I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
