I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just want to make out with him forever
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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