I think i sorta joined a cult last night
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
