He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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