You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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