was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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