Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just found a bag of teeth...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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