My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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