yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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