Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
