OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
