While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
