I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
