So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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