OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize