Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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