I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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