We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
