I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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