Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
