Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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