well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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