Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
