alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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