her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
