I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
be right there i have to get my cape
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
