Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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