so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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