Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
