I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize