I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
