Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
