you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
