i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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