Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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