I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
