you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
