im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
