So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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