everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
