he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize