Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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