there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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