Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
