i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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