haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have already put on my inside pants.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
