when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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