Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
