One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize