I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
