I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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