It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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