he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
