ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
