Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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