She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
