i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
