i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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