Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
