and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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