my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
