I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize