Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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