Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I should be sponsored by Trojan
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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