please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
