Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
