did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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