Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
