he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
