DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
