Where did you get a picture of my penis
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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