So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
