just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
