I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
