I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
