I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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