have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
