Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize